Birth Story

I keep a 5 year journal where I write life's happenings on a particular day each year. In anticipation of turning 38 in two days, it was a Friday evening, and I was looking back through my journal to see what was on my heart on past birthdays. Virtually every entry was the same… “Grateful for another year, yet experiencing a deep ache growing another year older without a baby.” Astonished by almost the same wording on every line, I had a fleeting thought…what if Taite was born on my birthday? I barely let the thought enter my mind and a prayer lift from my heart; terrified to hear a no.

I woke up Saturday morning feeling the weight of having to endure Lord knows how many days until we would be holding our baby girl. My midwife sent me a list of natural labor induction methods with a sweet reminder that nothing will work unless baby is ready. As the day progressed, I checked off everything on the list except for consuming castor oil. We had a get together that night where some of my girlfriends excitedly thought I would definitely deliver the next day. As a pregnant mama, you know the frustration that comes with advice like that!

Later that night as Kevin and I were getting into bed, I remembered that prayer I had had the day before as I was falling asleep. I sighed and thought “Well Lord, probably not a birthday baby….” I’m not sure that thought had much time to linger before I felt a massive gush. Being immediately soaked, Kev sprang out of bed. We laughed at the shock and the reality that we were going to have our baby soon began to sink in.

I immediately ran around the house making sure it was tidied up. I texted my midwife who responded with “I guess baby girl was ready! Try to get some rest.” Some rest! HA.

By 1 am, the house was neat and Kev had a load of laundry in the dryer. We decided to lay down to rest. At one point in my dreamy state, I remember realizing contractions had started and were feeling fairly consistent. I groggily downloaded a contraction timing app as I drifted in and out of sleep. Soon, the app was alerting me to go to the hospital with surges coming every four minutes and lasting a minute. Not thinking much about it, I continued to doze.

I got up to go to the bathroom around 3:15 which woke Kevin up. He wondered how I was and I told him my silly app keeps telling me to go to the hospital. After he witnessed a couple surges he suggested calling our midwife. Not feeling like it was necessary, I said he could if he wanted to. While we talked with her, she asked if I wanted her to come. I was so indecisive feeling like I could easily talk through contractions and thinking labor will probably go on for a while. I mean, she’s a 7 minute drive from my house so she could get here pretty quickly, if necessary. She finally just said, “why don’t I come, I think you’ll feel more comfortable with me there.” I agreed.

After a couple contractions, I nervously glanced at the clock and asked Kevin why Christine (my midwife) hadn’t arrived yet. Labor seemed to very quickly and abruptly shift gears! I had just been laboring in our bathroom focusing on breathing and opening. I hadn’t even turned on my birth playlist or scripture tracks!

Christine quietly came in, listened to baby, and gave me some warm encouragement as I continued to breathe, open, and sway in the bathroom. After a few intense surges, I walked to the bedroom feeling overwhelmed by the intensity of labor. I leaned on my nightstand with Kev holding my hips. I suggested running a bath to labor in. Christine said it would not be much longer and she and Kev apparently exchanged unspoken glances that there ain't time for that! At that point Kev asked my oldest daughter to wake up her sisters because baby was coming soon.

I still did not believe that I was in transition as my girls came in and sat on our window seat to watch. I asked Christine if I was really that close and she said, “yes, your body is bearing down!” Sure enough, my body did take over and began pushing. I was on my hands and knees holding my daughter’s hands as Kevin put glorious counter pressure on my hips. I looked up to see big sisters smiling in anticipation.

Taite’s head was delivered and my contraction stopped. What a surreal moment that pause was knowing that she was almost here and it was, in fact, my birthday! As the next contraction came, my body pushed the rest of her out into Kevin’s hands and then she was passed into my arms. It was 4:45 am, just 1 hour and 45 minutes of active labor. It was a smooth, precipitous birth with so many answered prayers-precious redemption! Kev and Christine helped me to the bed where I could relax, snuggle Taite, and relish in the wonder of the moment. I was (and still am) truly undone. All of the fear of pregnancy loss and anxiety over whether or not we would hold her was over.

One of the beautiful aspects of home birth is the peace, slowness, and space it provides after delivery. Taite got immediate skin to skin contact, our family was able to take her in together, and wait for her umbilical cord to stop pulsing without interruption. My girls were so interested in every aspect of birth and were able to feel the pulsating cord giving their sister valuable blood, nutrients, and stem cells, help rub the nourishing vernix into Taite’s skin, watch her latch, inspect the placenta, and be involved in their sister’s newborn exam. Our midwife and her assistant were so wonderful. Our family felt very loved and deeply cared-for by them. They helped clean up and left us to cuddle sweet Taite for the rest of the day. We basked in the goodness of God as we finally held His very good work in our arms.

When I walked through my miscarriages, they were during seasons when I was asking the Lord if He really loved me. The pain of those losses felt even more raw because of those deep questions in my heart. God knew how this story would unfold before He hung the stars in the sky. He meticulously planned every detail as He ordained Taite to be born on my birthday after years of loss and questioning and pain to say, “yes, Ashley. I love you more than you know.”